Everyone wants to build a Katamari. If you don’t know what a Katamari is, don’t worry, you still want to build one. Your children want to build one and your dog wants to build one. Before you were born you wanted to know how to build one. Get my drift? It’s the thing that everyone thinks about, yet no one knows they’re thinking about it. Very philosophical actually. Now let’s get started.
1. Create the Katamari Core: Basically you’ll want to go down to the local man store and get some glue and rubber bands. Make a rubber band ball and put glue all over it. Then kiss the core and tell it that it’s the best. It must know this- it must know it’s the best. This is the best and only method to making the Katamari core.
2. Create That Middle Part of the Katamari: Use cardboard and that sticky slime which comes from slugs. Trust me, you’ll need a lot of slugs, so it’s best that you set up some kind of slug trap. I like to bait my slugs with grape jelly. They seem to like it when I put it in bowls and leave it outside for them. Sometimes I make friends with the slugs, though, I always have to end the friendship—since I’m required to kill them for the slime.
3. Create the Surface of the Katamari: This is the hardest part of all. Creating the outer surface will require you to find octopus people and harvest their suckers. These are creatures that live on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. I find the best way to get their suckers is to make a deal with them. They seem to like blank CDs, so I just buy a bunch from Wal-Mart and hand them over. Generally, they will give me a few suckers from their tentacles for them. Be warned, octopus people are highly volatile, and my attack you suddenly. Since you’re at the bottom of the ocean, you will be at an extreme disadvantage. Make a note of that somewhere.
4. Give the Katamari the Power to Absorb Anything: To do this you will need Thor’s hammer, the King of All Cosmos’ blessing, and a pair of tube socks. First get Thor’s hammer, after that everything else will fall into place. I did this, and it all fell into place. I’m sure the same will happen for you.
5. Enjoy the Katamari: There’s really nothing left to do except roll people and buildings up. Try to roll things in a certain amount of time, and always ask the King of All Cosmos to help you before rolling. If you don’t, he may grow angry. Trust me when I say this, you don’t want him to grow angry.
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