You may not know this, but I know how to dance. I learned to dance a long time ago from two people. I met them both while I was fishing and they started to tell me how much they thought I would be a good dancer. So I decided they must know what they are talking about, since I am good looking and can hold my breath for thirty seconds at a time. Here are the dance moves which I use, trust me, they always make me look the best.
1) The Box Out – It’s fairly easy, just pretend like you’re playing basketball and extend your rump outwards. Bring your hands at level with your head, and widen your eyes like a deer caught in headlights, then just star off into the far distance for a time. If you have a dance partner, stare at them, letting you mouth hang open like a panting dog. Let the music slowly build up, and when it reaches its climax, slowly rotate your rump clockwise while moving your hands counter clockwise. Never lose your serious stare, and don’t be afraid if drool starts to roll down your face. I would recommend not stopping this dance until you collapse from exhaustion. It will get everyone’s attention because they’ll see that you’re so cool.
2) The Slow Down Walk – This is my favorite, I like doing using it for techno, rock, opera, rap, soft rock, metal rock, metal, gravel and everything else element based. I first start to bob my head really slow, like Michael Jackson does in smooth criminal. Then I raise my hands into a running position, one up by my head, the other lowered by my hips – ready to be brought up by my head. Then I start grunting and saying things I would say if I was chasing down a criminal. If you have a partner, say these things to them. Then every five to ten minutes I shift my hands, as if I were running. It’s a lot of fun, people will really think you’re stuck in slow motion and start to stare. They’ll say things like, “This guy is a joke.”, and “I want to punch him.” Because they’re so impressed with your slow motion.
3) The Lasso – If you like a girl and maybe want to make her your girlfriend, this is the dance for you. First you got to ask the girl out on a date. Lie and tell her you’ll be taking her somewhere nice, but then take her to a dance club to impress her with your moves. Once you have her there hit the dance floor, space yourself a good twenty to thirty paces from her and begin to pretend you have a lasso in your hands. Look at your lady interest with angry eyes, don’t worry if she looks around uncomfortably, this means she’s starting to like you. Swing your lasso around and pretend like you’ve thrown it around her. Once you’ve got her in your rope, slowly start to work your way over to her, tugging at your rope while doing so. She may start stepping away from you, but that’s because she’s probably very shy and hasn’t seen such awesome moves like yours before. Keep intense eye contact while you creep closer, and begin to nod your head slowly while biting your under lip. I’ve used this dance many times, and every time me partners are so impressed they leave without giving me a way to contact them – probably because they feel like they’re out of my league. I wouldn’t recommend doing this to other guys though. They can get really jealous of your good moves and may punch you really hard in the eye.
Those are my primary dances which I use all the time, every time. You don’t have to just use them on the dance floor either, you can use them many places. Try using the box out while your grocery shopping, or try lassoing your boss while working. It always makes everyone happy, but most of the time they will be jealous or feel incompetent. But that’s the name of the game when you have super awesome moves.
Trigger Plug 